Fact: I worry waaaayyy too much about what others think. Any decisions I make are usually based on how it will "look" when I tell my friends and family about it. Lately I've really found freedom in making decisions for myself and not caring about what anybody has to say about it.
I say all that to say, for those of you who don't know, I am not in school currently. I found out when we got down here that the school I was planning to attend was closing. I had absolutely no idea and I had even gotten an acceptance letter from them. It was nothing that I could have prepared for. For the past month and a half I have been constantly beating myself up over the fact that I'm not on a path to finish my education. I was angry with William Carey University for more or less deceiving me and leading me to believe all was good to go when they were planning to close after the semester. At this point, I'm done. I'm done being angry, I'm done telling myself I'm a worthless failure because I was rejected to nursing school at Memphis and I'm done feeling inadequate because I won't have a degree in the next few months. I was so worried that people would say I gave up my education so I could get married sooner even though I know it was God's will. James and I prayed for months about this being the right decision. We begged God to kill our plans if it did not follow His will. We know that we made the right decision and we are resting in that.
Sometimes I find myself wondering why God does the things he does in my life. Why does He lead me one way then change the direction when I follow? The Bible gives many stories of people in this exact same situation. Abraham was told to sacrifice his son! Little did he know that God had a much more wonderful plan and all he had to do was prove that he would be faithful. Moses followed command after command and in the end was not even allowed to enter the Promise Land. I am so thankful that God gives us such strong examples in His Word. It makes me feel like I am not alone in my own struggles. Believers across the centuries have faced trials much worse than mine and it is humbling to compare their faith to my own. I also know that in these dark moments, I cling closest to The Lord.
For as long as I can remember my life verse has been John 16:33, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” It has proven appropriate and helpful for so many moments in my life but lately I have found myself needing more and came across John 16:22, "So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." (ESV) It is such a comfort to know that abiding with God will provide a joy that cannot be taken away.
